A Love Story, the beginning

She knew that her soul knew of highs and lows, of deep, dark valleys that he refused to acknowledge.

He never understood her desire to totally open her life to him.

The deepest abyss of her soul, the only one she was aware of, was her fear and the loneliness she would feel without him. And she cried, wishing that he could become part of her highs.

There were schedules to keep, guilty feelings to deal with every time he was happy with her. He always had to go home to his wife and his dinner, but she hoped he would be happy because of the peace she gave him, the peace he needed. And the woman with the highs and lows bought a book and went home, to her cat and her telephone.

His hand was the only one she wished to hold, and yet she hoped that a miracle would happen and that she would find a new hand to hold before she would drown.

And she knows, that the day she finds someone else, her previous life has to end, that she has to embrace as if it were for the first time, and to prove with her poor, faithful body, by becoming part of another, that she has forgotten the one she loves...

Yet she knows, that for a very long time afterwards, maybe for the rest of her life, she will wake up and miss him. That she will mourn what once was he and she.

while they were still together, they lay in the sun. She holds his hand while he reads and peace is within her. She can live with the knowledge that over long periods of time he forgets about her, because she knows, that the hand that holds hers will soon squeeze it to show her that she is part of him.

From time to time he looks at her, his face radiant with love and happiness, but at other times his eyes are clouded. It is at those times when she realizes that he thinks of his wife, and although he loves the woman with the highs and lows, he eventually will leave her.

As if he could read her thoughts, he puts his book aside and holds her. "I could never live without you" he says, believing the lie, and she too believes him until he falls asleep, holding her in his arms.

She knows that once he awakens, the guilty feelings will take over, and so will his desire for security and the status quo and his loyalty towards someone else. All that he owes another.

My beloved man.