Five years later

It was a short love story, like thousand others.

It lasted for 5 years.

After they had been together for a few years, she started to watch him, to experience him as the individual that he was.

Over the years she also started to understand him. The distance that remained between them gave her clarity.

Although the fear remained, her loneliness was easier to bear by understanding his insecurities.
She no longer was blind to his weaknesses and faulrs, but yet her respects grew.

She no longer just adored him. She realized that his hair was grey and that he was much older than she was. He was wise and mature, self centered and vain.

And she was surprised when she realized that she loved him.

And it was with regret that she recognized that soon it would end. That she had found him at a time when he was already traveling  a different path.

She thought of the child that should have ben theirs and a great sadness overcame her. It was part of the things that should have been,

During the last years they were together she worked on keeping the relationship together, knowing all too well that it was hopeless, that it was no good for either one of them.

And when it finally ended, she hoped that he would not be alone.

That his wife would fill his needs better than she could and that she would forgive him.

But she would need time to gain insight and understanding

she tries to remember who she was five years ago, before he came into her life.

Something died and yet something else came alive. Major changes had happened.

And she is sure, that once the despair, hatred and anger will disappear, she will realize that she did experience love  and because of it, she is a richer and better person.

But she will never be able to talk about it.

She had been able to explore the soul of another person, and she was filled with tenderness at what she saw.

For while they held each others hands, their lives were painfully connected.

And she hopes, that one day, when everything is truly over, that they will become and remain true friends.

I expect to be judged

Well, just as the title said, I expect to be judged by many people by writing this blog. I also expect to be called a variety of names,  however none could be worse than the names I have been called by my lover's wife.
Yes, I have been a mistress for the past 26 years.  And no. I do not advocate adultery. I am so much against it, because it causes so much pain to all people involved. I am not talking about one night stands, they are gross and they suck and whoever of the marital partners engages in them, endangers the well being of their family.  I also don't talk about the type of Tiger Wood affairs, where the husband is looking for sexual variety. I am talking about affairs, that can last for a lifetime and can run parallel to a marriage. Affairs, where the mistress and the husband are faithful to each other, affairs that happened for whatever reasons.

I am writing this blog for my own sanity, it is part of my own therapy. I am also writing this in the hope of helping people who are or have been in a similar situation , of assuring them life does go on. I am especially writing this article for the wives, who found out that their husbands had a mistress and the pitfalls to avoid.

This might sound ironic, but whoever will read this will soon realize that I am not taking sides, not for the mistress, the wife or the husband.

I hope you'll read on.